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Khandala - Desi Style

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Hindi:
He : Aye kya bolti tu?
She: Aye kya main bolun?
He : Sun
She: Suna
He : Aati kya Khandala?
She: Kya karun aakey main khandala?
He : Ghumenge, phirenge, naachenge, gayenge. aaish karenge aur kya?

Kashmiri:
H: heey, kya chaakh wannan;
S: heev, kya bhe wanneyyyy;
H: booz;
S: wanoo;
H: pakha telle khandala;
S: kya karee weeteth bhe khandala;
H: pherevhey,nachevhey,geevevhey,khevevhey,eesh karav,beyy kya??

Bengali:
H: ei ki bolis tui;
S: ei ki ar boli;
H: son;
S: sona;
H: jabi ki khandala??
S: ki kori giye khandala;
H: are, ghurbo phirbo nachbo gaibo maja korbo ar ki;

Marathi:
H: Aye kay tu mhantes?;
S: aye kay me mhanhu?
H: aik;
S: aikav;
H: yetes ka khandala?;
S: kay karu yevon me khandala?;
H: bhatkuya, phiruya, gavuya, nachuya, aish karuya. aankhen kay?

Telugu:
H: Aye,yemantaavu?
S: Aye, Yem cheppaali?
H: Vinu,
S: Cheppu;
H: Vastaava Khandala??
S: Yem Cheddam velli manam Khandala?
H: Thirugudaam, Aadudhaam, Paadudaam, Ganthulu Yeddaam Inkemi?

Punjabi:
H: a ke boldi tu;
S: a ke mein bolan;
H: sunh;
S: sunha;
H: aande aein khandala;
S: ke karain ae ke mein khandala;

Kannada:
H: Aye, Yenanti Nee?
S: Aye, Naanu Yenu Anali?
H: Kelu,
S: Helu;
H: Barteeya Khandala?
S: Yenu Maadali Naa bandu Khandala?
H: Thirugona, Kuniyona, Hadona, Aadona, Majaa Madona... Innenu?

Sindhi:
H: Aye cha ti chaven?
S: aye cha maan chavan?
H: budh;
S: buhay;
H: achiti cha khandala?
S: cha kayan achi maan khandala?
H: ghumandasi, phirandasi, gayendasi, aaish kandasi, byo cha?

Gujarati:
H: Aye su bole tu?
S: aye hun su bolu?
H: sambhad;
S: sambhdav
H: aavechey ke khandala?
S: su karu aavene khandala?
H: ghumsu, pharsu, khavsu,peevsu, aaish karsu. beeju su?

Magadhi:
H: A ki bolahin too,
S: A kya boliyuow hum,
H: Sun
S: sunaow
H: Aaimahi ki khandala;
S: Ki kariaow aake hum khandala;
H: Gumbai Phirbai aish karbai aur ki,

English:
H: Aye what do you say?
S: Aye what should I say?
H: Listen.
S: Tell.
H: Coming kya khandala?
S: What do I do coming to khandala?
H: We'll roam, we'll sing we'll dance we'll do aish. what else?


Ghati Jokes

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Ghat jokes ( A little knowledge of Marathi might help )
Q :  What do you call a Maharashtrian in the U.S.?
A :  Western Ghat.

Q :  What does a Maharashtrian mean by "fast food"?
A :  Sabudana Khichdi.

Q :  What do you call a Maharashtrian who makes air-conditioners?
A :  Cool-karni.

Q :  What do you call a Maharashtrian whose father is missing?
A :  Ba-gul.

Q :  What would you call Urmila in the role of a monkey?
A :  Urmila MakkadTondkar.

Q :  Which is the highest office occupied by Maharashtrians in the U.S.A.?
A :  That of the Vice-President - Dan Quayle(Kale) & Al Gore. :

Tamil Jokes

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What are the degrees of egoism in Tamil Nadu?
I, Iyer, Iyengar.

What's the opposite of Gopalakrishnan?
Comepalakrishnan.

How do they start a road race in Tamil Nadu?
Ready....Steady.....PO

What do you call a really colourful Tamilian?
Rangamannar Rangarajan.

How does a Tamilian introduce the tennis superstar Lendl?
Ivan Lendl (Ivan = 'he' in Tamil).

What did the Tamilian call the tall building a Japanese built?
Nikumo Nikado (Will it or won't it stand?)

What is the opposite of Subramnium Swamy?
Subramanium Didn't See Me.

UP Jokes

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A U.P. Botanist?
Agni-hot-tree.

a son of 2 fathers         ..  Dvivedi
      of 3 fathers         ..  Trivedi
      of 4 fathers         ..  Chaturvedi
      of 5 fathers         ..  Pandey
      of several fathers   ..  Misra
      of unknown parentage ..  Gupta

Delhi Jokes

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Q :  Red-line private buses are notorious for their recklessness
     and hit rate. When a red-line bus is on the road, which is
     the best place be in?
A :  Inside the bus.
--------------------------------------------

Q:  Why is Delhi a male city (Maha Nagar) and Bombay a female city
    (Maha Nagri)?
A:  Because Delhi has Qutab Minar and Bombay has Gateway of India.

Mumbai Jokes

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Q :  How come the Bombay Ranji team has so many fast bowlers?
A :  West Indians are natural fast bowlers.

Q :  How do dogs in Dombivli (place near Bombay) wag their tails?
A :  Up & down. Because, they don't have enough space to wag sideways.

Q :  What did one tamarind in a sack tell its neighbour?
A :  "I feel as if I am travelling in a Bombay local". :

Mallu Jokes

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What's a smart Malayalee called?
Debo-nair.

An extraordinary malayalee  .. 
PHENO-MENON

A smart and extraordinary malayalee ..
VIJI-MENON

How do u identify a Mallu?
Zimply.

California Girls - Desi Style

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Delhi girls are cultured, they'll show you a good time
Malayali girls seem so innocent, but ya know what's on their mind
Andhra girls are bashful, Bengalis are so cosy
Kashmiri girls keep you warm at night with their cheeks so rosy

Punjabi girls are flirts, Oriya girls are charming
And Tamil girls squeeze you so tight, they really are alarming
But there's one place in this whole land where I'm never lonely
'Cause the cutest girls in all the world are in Bombay only

I wish they all could be Bombay girls !
I wish they all could be Bombay girls !

Girls elsewhere just can't compare to the ghagara of gujarat
Out their way no one can say how many they've broken hearts
Bombay girls have style - how they pucker those pouting lips
Bombay girls got that twinkle in their eye 'n' lovely swayinghips

I wish they all could be Bombay girls !
I wish they all could be Bombay girls !

U.P girls are sweet, Rajasthanis true for life
Head on down to Karnataka if you're looking for a wife
But there's one place in this whole world where I'm never lonely
'Cause the cuttest girls in all the world are in Bombay only

I wish they all could be Bombay girls !
I wish they all could be Bombay girls !

love, for Bombaywalli.


Gujju Jokes

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Why did the Gujju think the film Gandhi was about a woman?
Because Be(h)n Kingsley was in it.

A Gujju Business house?
Kalabhai-Salabhai.

Why did the Gujju go to Rome?
To listen to Pop(e) music.

Bengali Jokes

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Q :  How does the Bong learn the alphabet?
A :  A for Orange, B for Bhegetable.... :

Q :  How does a Bong relax in the evening?
A :  He goes to the Howrah Breez to get some Brij. :

Q :  What does the Bong do first in the morning?
A :  After baking up from hees slip, he removes the bed-shit. :

Q: What did a Bengali voyeur say to another?
A: Keyhollo?

Q:  What do u call a firebrand Bong?
A: Gun-goli.

Calcutta Jokes

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Q :  What does a Calcuttan who has a lot of time do? And what
     does a hurrying Calcuttan do?
A :  The one with a lot of time takes some public
     transport(bus/tram). The Calcuttan in a hurry would walk.

Q :  Why are Metro commuters like Dawood Ibrahim?
A :  Because they are underground.

God's Address

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A poor man sat begging outside a temple.

In the name of Bhagwan give this hungry man some money to fill his belly,? he cried. "Bhagwan will bless you."

But the devotees gave him very little. In disgust the beggar left the temple and sat outside a country liquor shop.

"A few paise in the name of Bhagwan" he whined.

As customers came out of the shop in high spirits, many dropped rupee notes in his bowl.

Thanking God, the beggar said: "Hey Bhagwan, truly inscrutable are thy ways! You give one address but live in another"


Desi Jokes Collection 1

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Om Shanti Om ka dialogue students ke andaz me

Itni shiddat se maine pas hone ki koshish ki hai,
K har teacher ne muje marks na dene ki sazish ki h,
agar tum kisi papr me pas hona chahate ho,
to sari kaynanta tume usme pas karane me lag jati hai,
ye xams b hindi flimo ki tarah hi hote hai,
end tk sab kuch acha ho jata hai

Aur agar aisa na hota to xams abi khatam nahi hua

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.
.
Ek aur saal bahi hai mere dost!

                ******************


Toot gayi mere dil ki deewar brick by brick

Toot gayi mere dil ki deewar brick by brick

SO WHAT

Chutki me chipkaye FEVIWIK

               ******************

Height of BINDASNESS

Finishing d paper & coming out of the exam hall and asking

.

.

.

.

"Kuan sa subject that woh?"

                 ***********************


Teacher: What is ur caste?

Student: Pehle hum Singh they,
Fir Rajput hue,
Fir Sharma ho gaye,
Abhi hai Darzi,
aage Mummy ki marzi

             ***********************

Whats the diff between Dava Daru?

Dava is like girlfriend, that comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife, Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.


Desi Jokes Collection 2

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Ramu : Yeh "AUTOMATICALLY" kya hota hai

Bhola : Tujhe yeh bhi nahin pata, Jab AUTO mein koi Ganji ladki ja rahi ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI

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Mahesh ko electric chair par bita kar mauth ki sazaa sunai gayi.

Jallad : Tumhari aakhri iccha kya he?

Mahesh : Mujech dar lag raha he, mere hath pakad lo.


You know your parents are desi when...Part 3

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You know your parents are desi when.......

  1. They have one of these three cars, an Olds Cutlass Ciera, a Honda Accord or a Toyota Camry. (Sindhi's drive a Lexus or a Mercedes.)
  2. When family friends come over, you have ten conversations going on in the same room at the same time very loudly.
  3. You eat dinner on the floor covered with newspapers when company comes over.
  4. Your parents tell you to not care what your friends think but they won't let you do certain things because of what the other "Uncles and Aunties" will think.
  5. You've never owned white clothing because it will be hard to take stains out of it. (That's what mom says.)
  6. You have a collection of used wrapping paper and bows that have been saved for re-use.
  7. Your bio-data and picture have been circulated more than your resume.
  8. Your parents won't let you attend college outside of your hometown because you might actually date members of the opposite sex!

You know your parents are desi when...Part 2

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You know your parents are desi when.......

  1. The famous: "hamburger, no meat, water, no ice, 3 cups, and 18 ketchups please"
  2. Talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house etc, etc.
  3. Loading up the family car with as many indians as possible when it's a "pay per car" entrance fee.
  4. Renting movies and splitting the cost with 2 other families and having the last family return it.
  5. Taking 30-45 minutes deciding which indian movie to watch when it only costs 25 cents!...then asking for a refund when it sucks.
  6. When you see a bath pail in a stand-up shower or tub
  7. When everyone gets the same Christmas present...a "buy one get one free" special
  8. When people show up late to a function...just in time for the food!
  9. Plastic covers anything new in your parents' house whether it is the remote control to the VCR or the new livingroom couch.
  10. Your parents only face straight when driving with both hands on the steering wheel and notice nothing but the road in front of them.


You know your parents are desi when...Part 1

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You know your parents are desi when.......
  1. When your mom makes a Mexican meal and tells you to count the number of Taco Bell sauce packets in her purse.
  2. They peel the stamps off letters that the postal service missed to mark up.
  3. They buy 2-ply toilet paper and they tell you to use only 1 ply at a time to make it last.
  4. When your mom comes home with napkins stuffed in her purse of the restaraunt she last ate at.
  5. When you become part of that viscious clan who recycles wedding gifts-
  6. Take Indian snacks anywhere it says "No food allowed"
  7. Make kichdi on the beach wearing saris
  8. Wear shorts with dress socks and tennis shoes
  9. Try to use coupons that expired 5 months ago and argue when the store doesn't accept them, or simply tear off the expiration date
  10. Eat half of a pizza at a restaurant and then complaining that it wasn't made right (I want refund!)

Desi Love Letter

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Johnny Mera Naam
Piya Ka Ghar
Choukee No. 11
Teesri Manzil
China Town
Bombay


Date: Nav Do Gyarah

My Dear 'Anamika':

You must be surprised to receive this 'Prem Patra' from me. Let me make my 'Pahechan' to you as 'Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge'. Though I am an 'Awaara', I am also your 'Deewana'.

I am making you a 'Prarthna' to enter my 'Zindagi' as a 'Priyatama'. Even though I do not have any 'Sambandh' with you, I still consider you as my 'Dream Girl' with 'Lal Dupatta Malmal Ka'. There are only 'Do Raaste' left for me. One is to get your love by 'Tyag' or to go the 'Rangeela' way.

Wouldn't you like to be 'Mere Jeevan Saathi' as you are 'Lakhon Mein Ek'? I also hope that you will 'Guide' me in 'Bahar' as we are made for 'Ek Duje Ke Liye'.

We will live in 'Naya Zamana' where we will have a 'Suhana Safar'. In this 'Himalay Ki God Mein', our 'Bandhan' is going to be tied with 'Preet Ki Dor'. I hope that we will have nothing but 'Anand' in 'Ye Dillagi'.

Aren't you bored of 'Akele Hum Akele Tum' life? Let this 'Baazigar' be your 'Boy Friend' and we start 'Pehli Mohabbat'. This 'Chahat' is going to lead to a 'Milan' where you are going to call me everyday for 'Aao Pyar Karen'.

Now, 'Phir Kab Miloge' as 'Tumse Accha Kaun Hein'? As you know my love is 'Himalay Se Uncha' and hopefully our 'Mulakat' will be 'An Evening in Paris'. 'Aa Gale Lag Jaa'!

'Hum Aapke Hain Koun...?'

'Prem Pujari'

Hotel Keral-fonia

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HOTEL KERAL-FONIA

On the road to Trivandrum
Coconut oil in my hair
Warm smell of avial
Rising up through the air

Up ahead in the distance
I sew a bright pink tube-light
My tummy rumbled, l felt weak and thin
I had to stop for a bite

There he stood in the doorway
Flicked his mundu in style
And l was thinking to myself

I don't like look of his sinister smile
Then he lit up a petromax
Muttering "No Power today"
More Mallus down the corridor
I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the Hotel Kerala
Such a lousy place, (such a lousy place etc.) .


Cow on the tracks

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A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally  it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a TT walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out of the window.

'Cow on the track!" replies the TT'.

Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes however, it stops again. The woman sees the same TT walk by again. She leans out the window and yells,

'What happened? Did we catchup vvith the cow again?'

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